Valentine's Day is Cheesy?

Congratulations, we have all survived Valentine's Day. I hope that everyone woke up the next day, took themselves to the drugstore and bought a discounted chocolate heart. Because who doesn't love candy that is 50% off ? For the rest of the population who had just a little too much lovin', I hope the duct tape (or handcuffs, whichever you prefer) was easily removed from your wrists and you showed up for work on time. 

What do woman really want? With a majority of female clientele I can tell you that woman are not that picky. I swear this to you guys! Honestly, just put a little thought into it and we appreciate pretty much anything you do! 

This past friday, the day after Cupid's "big day" I got to hear about what everyone received. Flowers (roses) were mainly given with a side of jewelry and flowers, but the most creative idea comes from one of my co-workers boyfriends. He gave her a block of cheese ( with a side of Tiger Lilly flowers, her favorite) because well, she loves cheese. If that doesn't say "I love you" I don't know what does. Of course she had requested this dairy treat and if you think your significant other is lactose intolerant, I would strongly vote against this idea. 

Tradition is nice but not always necessary. Moral of the story, men ( and you too ladies!) think outside of the box because the person on the receiving end will pretty much always appreciate it. 

 

A New Year Date

Merry Belated Christmas! From what I can see everyone has survived the season but technically it is not over yet because New Years' Eve is right around the corner. And that is another reason to celebrate. Whether it is a big night out on the town or a house party everyone will be ringing in the new year one way or another.

Recently I had read something on social media that was asking people if they would consider having a first time date on New Years' Eve. My initial response was why would anyone want to do that to themselves because New Years' Eve comes with enough pressures but was I being too close minded? Maybe it would make for a great night and start to the new year. First, where do people go to fulfill this date without having a ton of tension? Secondly, do they go alone or with another couple? Lastly, what if there is no connection? Are you stuck for the rest of the evening or are their back up plans for each individual if things go sour?

I have no answers to these questions because never has one of my first dates ever landed on December 31st. What I do know is sequins of all color, whether worn by a male or female, should be displayed on this very evening. What's better than to bring in 2013 with something sparkly and shiny?

On that note, I would love to hear feedback if anyone decides to be adventurous enough to take the first date plunge on New Years' Eve and/or wears sequins. In that case I want photos of all that glittery goodness!

Love.

As we await for the end of the world to come upon us, let's take a minute to reflect on what is really going on in the world.

I like, actually LOVE to give everyone a good laugh and usually this is my platform to mix humor with anything that is relatable; true events that have happened to to me as well as what I hear from my clients, family, friends, etc. As much as I would like to comment on " the apocalypse", better known as 12.21.12  I would rather just say what everyone really needs is love.

I'm anticipating that maybe, just maybe, 12.21.12 is really a rebirth of kindness. Hopefully this will signify people starting to be kinder to each other.

I mean, who really wants to live in a world without love? I know I don't.

So in honor of a new beginning, and NOT the end I purchased a new pair of very inexpensive earrings (pictured below) with possibly the nicest word on it.  I think they might become my favorite.

The Beatles had it right all along. "All You Need is Love".

What to Give?

Christmas. A time for giving. But what do you get that special someone in your life? Does it depend on how long you have been together? Or what if this is your first Christmas together?

I'm not even sure I can speak on the behalf of most woman because I am not very traditional. I am not that " He should of went to Jared" kinda gal. Love to me means he went to Ticket Master, purchased tickets to a sporting event ( hopefully the Yankees! ) and then would buy me a beer once we get there. See, easy. Personally, I think we are not such complex creatures to buy for. Men would beg to differ. And I don't envy them for a minute. But.......wait! You guys are not the easiest to buy for either! As a woman it is so hard to be creative. What guy wants another sweater or tie? Regardless, it is always the thought that counts. 

In my early twenties I started dating someone just a few months before the holiday season. I think I bought him a sweater and cologne. I just purchased a new car a few months earlier and he lived in a  not-so-great section of town. He bought me a gift card and The Club. And when I reference  "The Club" I mean that erect piece of steel that locks to your steering wheel for vehicle safety. The device that if someone really wants the car and knows what their doing they could steal it in a few minutes flat. I may be a sarcastic person and find everything funny but, I have to say, I found this a bit charming. He knew he didn't live in the best area but did know I would come to his house to spend time with him and his family on the weekends. It was his way of saying "come, visit and feel some comfort that your shit won't get jacked real quickly". So sweet. We dated for quite sometime and my car was never stolen. My purse was another story. I would have to hide it when his Uncle with a stealing problem would stop by. 

Guys, Gals, good luck shopping for one another. I hope that you all find the perfect gift that compliments your significant other. 

Good luck!  

Horizontal Stripes

Chances are I would NOT feel inclined to date someone in jail/prison ( and I would think most of the female population would agree with me. By most, I am not including the woman currently entertaining the Menendez brothers).

Due to current conditions, meaning their are no real possible options, should we resort to the boys behind the bars? I mean, they need love too, right? I am writing this based on a conversation I had with a friend a few weeks ago. So, without any further ado, here is how it went down. No cocktails were involved either. Just a few sober people discussing men and prison. What's next? A discussion about soap on a rope? We'll leave that for next time.

My friend is in the midst of a divorce. The logistics of the paperwork have not been fully completed but matters of the heart had left this couple way before a paper clip was even attached to what inevitably would go into a manila envelope. She has her own career and has started to put the pieces together of this new life. She is also ready to start dating again. So when she asked me where I go to meet men I told her my guess is as good as hers.

As you get older your options start to dwindle. A bar is no longer the place to meet someone of quality ( even though I'm sure some people do). Quality is the key but where would you even begin to look?

It got me thinking. The older we get the more baggage people need to check. And I am NOT talking about children because I don't consider them baggage. What's a deal breaker? A guy with a wrap sheet so long it makes Lindsay Lohan look like a nun? But at this age should we just expect it? And not only that but most people are not even honest about all the crimes they may have committed.

Here comes the most ridiculous conclusion that we both came up with. Cutting out the middle man and going straight to the prison. I mean you would be able to pick your crime of choice. Sex offenders are off limits. No bargaining there but what about a nice drug dealer? Or a pimp? Maybe a white collar crime? Tax evasion? My favorite? The arsonist. Everyone likes a nice campfire. You do realize we were just kidding?! It did give us a good laugh though.

On the serious side I am a full-on optimist and believe you can find someone without having to go the county jail. Plus, I am a terrible baker and with Hostess out of business I would never be able to hide the razor blade in a funfetti cake. With that creme center you would need a Twinkie to discreetly hide that kind of paraphernalia.

 As for my friend, she will find that nice guy minus the horizontal stripes or orange jumpsuit.

 Me? I might take a class on cake making.

Get Ready For It

I am waiting like most of the northeast for Hurricane Sandy to arrive. In the meantime I am drinking red wine and listening to some Ol' Blue Eyes. Because really, what else am I going to do? And let's face it;  Frank Sinatra's music makes everything a bit better.

As I await for this unwanted storm to show her ugly side I would like to recap on a few things that "went down" today.

I went to the grocery store to pick up a few more items. What I did NOT get was bread, milk or eggs but what I did get was barbecue chicken wings and Oreo's. Oh no! Maybe I should have purchased milk to go with those cookies! Regardless, there was a TON of  frantic people in the grocery store making mad dashes pass me. I was gingerly going about my business in slow motion because I am always clueless what to get in these situations because if you lose power things will spoil. So why all the produce people?

My main observation? The "single" individuals that were just like myself. How do I know this? Because usually "couples" tackle the emergency grocery shopping together, it's a Sunday and I am completely nosey. I check the ring finger (and yes I know rings do come off but they also carry a heavy weight mark when they do) and because each single male had mostly single serving items. So I say the calm before the storm at your local grocery store is a fantastic place to possibly scope out your local singles. Just my own silly little theory.

Moving on I decided to go to Target because I didn't think I could brave this storm without a pair of leggings or a pair of chadeliar earrings. Because during a possibly potentially dangerous hurricane both of these items are highly necessary.

 I am currently not wearing either of my brand new Target finds but I am wearing my New York Jets slippers (They lost today! Shocker!) , a Yankees t-shirt and my wine glass is half-filled. Sounds optimistic!

Let's all keep in mind what is important this evening: being safe and staying buzzed. It's about the only thing getting me through tonight during all these weather warnings on television.

Whatever is going to happen is, well, going to happen. "That's Life" ~Frank Sinatra

Ready For Halloween My Friends?

Here I am! And.....I am back. I had taken a short break (almost two months to be exact) from blogging because I spent the past month rescuing my friend out of a Guatemalan prison. Relax, I am just kidding.  

So here we are. It's already past the middle of October and were gearing up for Halloween. This is my, by far,  most favorite holiday. No pressure! Eating candy and dressing up like it's your job. Sounds like a good time to me.

You can be most ANYTHING you want to be without any judgment. For females, you could be a nurse, or a slutty nurse. Maybe a devil, or a slutty devil. Even a cowgirl, or a a slutty cowgirl. I think your catching my drift. Anything goes. But for men? What could a man be that is considered risky and seductive? I would say a plumber. The line " Hi Miss,  Someone called a plumber? I'm here to clean your pipes " is pretty much quoted in every D-list porn flick. Not that I would know. Or would I? Regardless, their is always some dirty mattress or fish tank that catches the eye of the viewer beyond the actual "acting" every time. Now let's get back to the topic of Halloween, shall we?

My ability to engage talking to someone rarely fails me. I like to talk to everyone and just about anyone- who will listen. Just the other day I was at the make-up counter looking to replace my lipgloss with the same shade. As the girl is working her heart out to find it ( and clearly does not want to be bothered beyond finding my gloss, ringing me up and then sending me on my merry little way) I feel the need to talk her ears off. Finally, just as her head pops above the glass display I cut her off to ask her what she is going to be for Halloween. Her eyes lit up! I knew I would get her to like me. She replies that they are out of my shade and then responds with " I am going to two parties and I am going as a couple." Totally patting myself on the back for getting this girl I have known for all five minutes to open up to me I reply back with " I love couple costumes! Soooooo,  tell me what your boyfriend and you are going as !" Her eyes look down and she quietly replies " My girlfriend. I have a girlfriend." Still enthusiastic (because now I feel like that opens up even more of a world of possibilities for them!) I tell her if I had a plus one I would want to be a swimming victim with fake blood all over me and my  boyfriend could be the shark better know as JAWS. She lights up, knowing I am all business when it comes to Halloween and says their thinking of being Zombies. A few more minutes pass by and my large caboose of an ass has pretty much made a spot on the counter gently pushing off the featured blushes on sale for the month. You would of thought we were long lost buddies. Just then a customer comes to the counter and I have decided that I should let my new friend make a few sales. I tell her to have a nice Halloween, she tells me the same and then I make my way to the perfume counter. New friends?!

I hope she has fun at her parties. And even though I am not attending any parties leading up to Halloween I am taking myself to the West Village in NYC on the actual day. I will meet up with friends, enjoy looking at all the costumes that people have worked so hard on all year on and if I'm lucky to have a few cocktails with a drag queen. For me, I have crafted my costume and it is anything but sexy. I would NEVER want to compete with the lovely drag queens downtown! But it's me. It's what happens when I have access to a hot glue gun, a ton of felt and a dream. And you all will get to know on the 31st of October.

I hope everyone has a good time and if you see me downtown please come by and chat with me! I promise not to talk your ear off.

Happy Halloween my friends!