My latest trip to New York City proved to be a great success. I had my second book signing and the chance to meet and chat with many wonderful people. Usually when transporting myself all over the city taking the subway or simply walking is the way to go for me. Between the bitter cold and a on going knee ailment I chose to take a different route; NYC cabs. This is not the first time I have taken a cab, but this was sure a different experience.
I was staying in midtown and I needed to get to Union Square. I took myself to an avenue facing towards downtown, thinking I would have a better chance. I did what everyone does to catch a cab, I lifted up my skirt inappropriately above my knee (the uninjured one) and hoped for the best. Just kidding, no one really does that. Plus, I only do that in New Jersey. So, I shimmied myself to a street corner and lifted my hand upwards. As I stood their watching cabs pass filled with patrons, I decided I had put my time into this corner so I am staying right here. I mean, I put two whole minutes into this commitment of waiting. Just then, a tall, lean and stunning blond walks right next to me, to do the same thing: hail down a cab. The nerve of her I thought. Like every good prostitute she should know this is my corner, I was here first. Oh it's on, I thought to myself. I am definitely not going to lose this battle. Just then, a yellow cab pulls up, the driver rolls down the window and says "hey you, get in." I looked next to me at blondie and then behind me realizing this " hey you" was meant for me. I gave her a look that defined the phrase "see ya sucker " all over my face as she shook her head at me. This is exactly how Cinderella must have felt when the horse and carriage pulled up for the ball.
As I headed inside to see my prince, the other side of the cab door had shut. "I thought that guy would have never left." the cabbie says. "Union Square is where I'm headed, thank you." I replied. And this is where my five minute cab ride turned into an episode of the dating game.
As I took in all the smells the cab had to offer like Pine Sol, body odor and Twizzlers ( cherry flavored) I was asked a few questions." I saw you from across the road. I pick you up. You have boyfriend " the nice cabbie asks me. Then he proceeds to explain, all the while gumming to death chicken nugget poppers with the four teeth he had that he is currently single, from Calcutta and that we would make "vetty nice couple". He proposed that if I like spicy food he would take me out to dinner. Midway to my destination, he adjusts the review mirror so all he can see every single horrific facial expression. After it is clear to him that we will never be a twosome we arrive at my destination as he asks me once more if I have made my choice on spicy food and a commitment with himself.
Now I only require a few things and currently he is two out of three. He has a car and a job but no teeth, so I must decline.
I am sure Mr. Calcutta will find the woman of his dreams. Someone who will share his love of spicy food and maybe she will have eight more teeth to complete a full set between them. As for me , I am still looking for my love.
As I paid the cabbie and closed the door I watched him drive away all the while thinking if the song "You'll never find another love like mine" by Lou Rawls was playing in his mind while mentally referring to my decision and then departure.
And then right then and there I had a craving for cherry flavored licorice. Hmmm, wonder why.
